Today, while continuing to read through Psalm 119 (slowly), the Lord caused me to stop and reflect on the past months.
“Your word, LORD, is eternal; it stands firm in the heavens. Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures. Your laws endure to this day, for all things serve you. If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life. Save me, for I am yours; I have sought out your precepts. The wicked are waiting to destroy me, but I will ponder your statutes. To all perfection I see a limit, but your commands are boundless.”
In verse 92, David makes a statement that, as reflected on the trials and grief that God has been taking us through, is rock solid true for me.
“If your law (your word) had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction.”
In this section of the Psalm, David speaks of the enduring character of God’s Word, and in essence, of God himself.
God’s Word endures all storms. It weathers each one. The breaking waves, the torrential rains, the gale force winds, the shaking earth…whatever metaphor you want to use to speak of life’s trials and hardships…God’s Word remains steady, true, faithful, eternal, immovable, solid…and as David says, it endures to this day.
It endures to this present moment. Looking back, it has been faithful because He is faithful. God’s Word is faithful right to this very second…through every trial, tear, pain, guilty feeling, shame, through every heartbreak. Could we ever say that it fails us?
“The wicked are waiting to destroy me,” David says. Reading that, reflecting again on the prior months, God silenced me. I am finding that more and more, reading through the Psalms, words like this on the printed page, from thousands of years ago, are all too real. Yes, they were waiting to destroy me too. I stop myself though, because my trials are but a tiny fraction of King David’s….but still….reading these few verses caused me to stop. I couldn’t think or write…I was stuck in time remembering some of the the most shocking days of my life (to this day). Some of the emotions certainly came back. Not like the flood of other days, but the pain that I experienced in those days this past summer came back. I sat in silence.
In that silence, the rest of the words of this passage washed over me. They washed over re-opened wounds.
Through the pain and suffering, as I reflected, God has been so near to me. How? By speaking to my heart through His Word. His Word has been a delight to me, and if that was not the case, I am confident that I would have perished in the affliction. No question. No doubt. I am brittle, frail, weak, yet God’s Word has proven to be faithful and enduring each day as I’ve walked through the pain.
I can trust that it will be just that, enduring, faithful, for my tomorrow. Tomorrow may be a day filled with more pain. There may be dark clouds, there may be a fierce storm that takes place in my heart, my life, or my mind. Yet, I will run to Him and find comfort in his enduring Word.
Suffering has taught me many things, no, it is teaching me (present tense) many things. One lesson is clearly repeating itself: God uses suffering to drive me to himself to meet him through his enduring Word to bring endurance to my weak and at times, shattered heart.
Lord, you are proving yourself faithful, over and over, through the truth of your Word. I don’t know if I have ever said this to you like I am able to now, but I am seeing new dimensions of your love that I am not sure I would trade for an easier life. I do not say that lightly, because the days of pain and grief are so real, so hard, yet you do meet me and reveal yourself to me. Thank you for your patience with me and for loving me with an enduring love that will weather the storms that are yet ahead.