The text below was from a journal that appeared from this past summer (in the midst of what I guess we are calling persecution). I did not date it, but it must be from July 2019.
“You do not know what a day may bring” (Proverbs 27:1).
Well said Solomon. I am more aware of this truth than every before. But why? Why God did you bring this day? Why did the curtain that was unveiled on these days uncover such pain and grief? Not as in, “why God, how could you?” Not, “God, Why? I am so angry at you!” No, my question is what did I do wrong? What are you doing in this? Why did my plan need to be trumped by your sovereign hand? What do I do next???
Reading today from Jerry Bridges “31 Days Towards Trusting God”….the words that start the book hit me square in the shock and pain of what is going on right now.
“Someone has described life as like having a thick curtain hung across one’s path, receding before us as we advance, but only step-by-step. None of us can tell what’s beyond that curtain; none of us can tell what events a single day or hour might bring into our lives. Sometimes the retreating curtain reveals events much as we had expected; often it reveals things unexpected and undesired, filling us with anxiety, frustration, heartache, and grief.”
One of my first instincts is to run. To hide as these days have slowly been drawing back the evil plans to remove us. Who am I kidding, nothing was slow about it from our perspective, it has all hit so abruptly!
God, I come to you not asking the question, “Can I trust you in this?” I come asking for you to bring in light, hope, resolution. We have been asking, others have been praying on our behalf. The answer seems to be different though. You do not seem to be answering the way I want. But you are God. Do you will.
I am looking to you to deliver, but I want that deliverance in your timing, your way. I resolve that that may mean (in this life) that I may not see that deliverance.
“call upon me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”
I am calling. Today is a day of trouble. How will you deliver me? When? I am ready to glorify you!
Thinking about this deeper though I have to come to realize that the endurance that you give, that endurance is also a way of deliverance. The grace that you give us to walk through this, that is a way of deliverance. You have heard, you have answered!
Then I want to glorify you. Praise you because you are a good God and worthy of all of my devotion. Even if I am covered in mud….or ashes of sorrow and grief.
“Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!“
Oh Lord, work these verses into my heart! Help me to be glad in you, right now, in this dark day, help me to rejoice in you, my good Father who walks with me through trials. No audible voice, but your hand is so obviously all over this situation. The Words in Scripture are jumping off the page, you are speaking even clearer than an audible voice!!
“God’s moral will as seen in the Bible is rational and reasonable, but the circumstances in which we must trust God often appear irrational and inexplicable. God’s law is readily recognized as being good for us, but the circumstances of our lives frequently appear harmful and grim, perhaps even calamitous and tragic. Obeying God is worked out within well-defined boundaries of God’s revealed will, while trusting God must be worked out in an arena with no boundaries, where we’re always coping with the unknown.
Yet it’s just as important to trust God as to obey Him. When we disobey God, we defy His authority and despise His holiness. And when we fail to trust Him, we doubt His sovereignty and question His goodness. In both cases, we cast aspersions upon His majesty and His character. God views both with equal seriousness.
When the people of Israel were hungry, “they spoke against God, saying, ‘Can God spread a table in the wilderness? . . . Can he also give bread or provide meat for his people?’” (Psalm 78: 19-20). The next two verses tell us, “When the LORD heard, he was full of wrath . . . because they did not believe in God and did not trust his saving power.”
In order to trust God, we must always view our adverse circumstances through the eyes of faith, not of sense.”
Nothing makes sense, but I can still believe in you!